Brick, NJ
I knew of the corruption and mistreatment happening in hospitals, especially for the unvaccinated, and that I might not be able to see my Mom once she was in there.
When the vent techs came into the room one of them said "Time for another ventilation party!" Like it was some sort of joke!
Anxiety Of Covid
“ Her Dr. suggested getting a pulse oximeter and if it dropped below 98 for her to go to the hospital.”
My mother Elaine West began feeling sick a few days before Christmas of 2021. She went to the hospital and waited hours to get monoclonal antibodies and they denied her because she DIDN'T test positive for Covid. She was sent home, still feeling ill. On Christmas eve she went to the ER, scared and short of breath, believing she had Covid. She tested positive at the hospital and they sent her home with antibiotics, an inhaler, nasal spray and a steroid. The day after Christmas she continued to have flu-like symptoms, cough, body aches and a feeling of heaviness on her chest. They were not getting better. My Mom has suffered with anxiety for much of her life and the fact that she wasn't feeling better after a few days filled her with fear and panic. She had a hard time relaxing and the steroid in particular was making her manic and unable to rest her mind or body. She was sick but she was eating and drinking and didn't have a fever.
Despite my best efforts to tell her to just relax and rest as much as possible, as I had had Covid months prior and it took several weeks to pass through my body, she was unable to truly rest and let the sickness take its course. Her Dr. suggested getting a pulse oximeter and if it dropped below 98 for her to go to the hospital. This pulse oximeter filled her with even more anxiety as she was checking it constantly to make sure her oxygen didn't drop. And when it did get to 97 she panicked and urged me to take her to the hospital. I begged her not to, knowing we had Ivermectin being delivered to the house and that she would be better off at home. I knew of the corruption and mistreatment happening in hospitals, especially for the unvaccinated, and that I might not be able to see my Mom once she was in there. Begrudgingly I made the call to the ambulance as my Mom and her best friend begged me to, over the phone.
Remdesivir
The first day my Mom was texting me updates. She didn't have a fever but tested positive for Covid and her O2 was 96 so they admitted her and put her on nasal cannula oxygen. They had started her on antibiotics at first but stopped them after one day. The following day she told me they would start giving her Remdesivir and it made me very nervous. From her records, she wasn't eating and was at nutritional risk. I of course was not allowed to go and visit her so I relied on calling the hospital and texting with my Mom for updates. A day or so after they gave her Remdesivir it seemed like things weren't getting any better. Her need for oxygen increased and she went from nasal cannula to the O2 mask that covers nose and mouth. She expressed being scared and alone. The Ivermectin had come in the mail finally, I wanted to give it to her so badly but I was afraid to sneak it in. I was so sad that I couldn't visit her and comfort her.
During the next few days I noticed my Mom started texting less, and that when she did, her texts didn't make sense, almost like she was drunk. She told me she had wet the bed, which I thought was strange. I later found out after calling the nurses station that they had given her morphine. They told me my Mom was "very anxious" and that it was making it harder for her to breathe. I told them I didn't want her on morphine, it didn't make sense that they would be giving her a narcotic that suppresses lung capacity, but my Mom had already consented to it. At this point she was barely eating or being encouraged to get out of bed, they weren't giving her any vitamins or minerals, just Remdesivir and morphine, to "treat" the Covid, which by now they have diagnosed as "Covid pneumonia" or viral pneumonia.
Bullied And Drugs
“When I said no that's not what we want, he told me "I'm pretty sure your Mom can make decisions for herself"”
It had now been 7 days and they were going to extend the Remdesivir regiment to 10 days since things weren't getting better. Things were getting worse, she required even more O2 and was put on a Bipap machine. There were notes in her records that she kept trying to take off the mask, she was extremely uncomfortable and the mask worsened her anxiety. I was called out of the blue, and told that she was being transferred to the critical care unit. The Dr. who called me was very nonchalant about the whole ordeal and was rushing me off the phone. There was no explanation as to why things had taken a turn for the worst, only telling me that the next step was for her to be put on a ventilator. When I said no that's not what we want, he told me "I'm pretty sure your Mom can make decisions for herself". Even though she was unable to breathe, was on morphine and had stopped answering my texts altogether. I was scared! I knew something was terribly wrong and I had to advocate for my Mom.
When the CCU Dr. called me I asked him for a whole list of drugs that she was on and he didn't seem to know all of them, just Remdesivir and Baricintinib which I asked him to take her off of immediately. The Remdesivir obviously wasn't working and was poisoning my Mom! The Dr. passed the phone onto the nurse because he was too busy to talk to me and I asked the nurse what other drugs she had been given. She then listed off Xanax, Klonopin, Ativan, Morphine and Precedex. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. This mixture of benzos, sedatives, and a narcotic was the LAST thing that would cure my Mom of Covid. Many of these drugs shouldn't even be administered together, they suppress the lungs and slow down breathing! They gave her so many drugs just to "ease her anxiety" AKA "shut her up" because she was really suffering and my Mom wasn't a quiet person. When I expressed my concern and kept asking questions to the nurse she asked me "Well, do you want your Mom to DIE? If she doesn't do what we say she will die." on top of that she said "I risk my life to be here and your Mom is breathing her Covid breath all over me." I was APPALLED at this nurse's attitude and couldn't believe how rude she was being just because I was asking questions. She even asked what my vaccination status was and what I did for a living, which is NONE of her business and has nothing to do with my Mom's treatment. This was a terrible day.
Fear
“She kept asking me "Am I going to die?" and she said "I think they're trying to kill me."”
I was finally able to FaceTime my Mom after the traumatizing conversation with the CCU nurse. My Mom's respiratory rate was high and her O2 was low. She sounded completely out of it, like very drunk, slurring her words. I knew this was because of all the sedatives. I could see in her eyes she was SCARED, she kept asking me "Am I going to die?" and she said "I think they're trying to kill me."
The environment she was in was awful, there was a very LOUD beeping machine constantly blaring behind her. She kept telling me "They didn't give me water all day, I'm SO THIRSTY" She kept calling the nurse in repeating "WATER, WATER, I WANT WATER." But they refused to give her any because they were afraid she would aspirate. Then I finally SAW A NURSE GIVE HER A DRINK OF WATER under her mask and she drank it completely FINE! Like she hadn't drank in days. Then another nurse walked in and I said can you please give her more water and she said "No we can't" and I said "I just saw a nurse give her water and my Mom was fine" and she said "No that didn't happen, that's impossible". I couldn't believe this lady. I JUST SAW HER DRINK WITH MY OWN TWO EYES and she just walked away still refusing my mom a drink. My Mom was also very hungry. She kept saying "I haven't eaten, I really want Jello or something, Jello, Jello, Please!" and no one would let her eat. They kept saying they would get some for her but they never did.
She Didn’t Have To Die
I stayed on Facetime with my Mom as long as I could. I was coaching her through her breathing, telling her I was there with her and begging her, please calm down and just breathe. With my coaching her O2 level went up to 98! A nurse walked in and noticed and said "Oh your O2 went up! It must be because you're talking to your daughter." I knew if I was there with my Mom in person, holding her hand, comforting her and coaching her to breathe, she wouldn't have had to use the Bipap and suffer the way she was. I begged the staff to let me come and be with her but they refused. The staff kept asking me if it was OK to intubate my Mom and we both kept saying NO. My Mom kept saying how badly she wanted to go home! I told her to hold on for one more day, please, I would try to get her out and save her!
I wanted to get my Mom out of the hospital immediately after what I had just experienced. The hospital administration and staff filled me with fear, saying that if she left the CCU she would die during transport and "Do I want my Mom to die at home?" I felt like I had no options, I wasn't aware of what I know now and so she stayed at the hospital. In the middle of the night I got a call that my Mom had coded, that her heart had stopped and they had to revive her. Only now that she was near death would they finally let me in to see her! When I arrived at the front desk of the hospital the person working seemed so annoyed at my existence and that I was going to the CCU to visit my dying Mom! After a few phone calls she finally gave me a visitor's pass and I rushed to the CCU. I found my precious Mom and just walked right into the room to hold her hand! She was in terrible distress. Her lips were blue and white and she was short of breath. She could barely talk saying "I just want to go to sleep. I want to go home!"
A nurse saw me and told me I wasn't supposed to be in there and to put on a gown and gloves before I could be around my Mom. I spent a few moments with my Mom stroking her hair and holding her hand, crying and not sure what to do! If she remained like this she could code again. The only avenue I had to keep her alive was to submit to putting her on a ventilator. I told the nurses my decision. I waited in the room with my Mom, watching her chest rise and fall rapidly, while she awaited the vent. When the vent techs came into the room one of them said "Time for another ventilation party!" Like it was some sort of joke! I was appalled, these people were so numb to this they barely cared. I knew these were the final moments with my Mom and I wanted to say so much but the nurses were trying.
